I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
do herpes really smell.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
