There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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