Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
