so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
