I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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