What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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