alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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