Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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