they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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