There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
