theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
