The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
how does that bad decision feel?
Two words: nipple clamps
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