She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize