I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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