mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
