What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
