i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
