DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize