Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you had me at cake vodka
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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