How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
