bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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