I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
