he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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