i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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