what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
