So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
