i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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