Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
