I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
