One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
