Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
