Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
