i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
