You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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