My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
