My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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