I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
