i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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