I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize