So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
