the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
