My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
