Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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