Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize