I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
