My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
