my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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