Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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