Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
