morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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