the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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