what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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