stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
