how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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