dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
