My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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