i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
