tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
