Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
