I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
