Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
