Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
