I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
