i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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