sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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