I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
