WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize