And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
