I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
