gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
