I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
wow bdsm is so cute
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
