i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
